Adventures of an Asshole

Unwarranted Self-importance Galore


Advice #3

#3 The Bear Asks:
I ask the Advice of the biggest Asshole ever. My problem is this whenever I walk into a public place I am always refered to as someone of great importance, random kids will come up to me and ask if I really am "The Bear". I usually respond in one of two ways, either by answering yes, I am the one you seek, or if I'm at the local Blockbuster I will throw the kid into rack upon rack of retarded DVD's. My question is how do I get these kids to stop asking if I am "The Bear" and get them to only do my bidding in a slave like manner with them wearing clothes that say property of "The Bear" or something of a similar sort?
Dear hairy mammal,

The answer to your question is mind-numbingly simple. You must develop a mind control serum and introduce it into the local water supply. Except, of course, kids don't drink water. So if you can break into a soda factory, that'd be better.