Adventures of an Asshole

Unwarranted Self-importance Galore


Rants - Taco Bell and Toilet Surprise - 11-Jun-2011 @ 22:34

As seen in a couple of other stories, I like Taco Bell. That's fairly apparent from the fact annoying shit keeps happening when I go there, yet I keep going. This post involves two separate incidents, though only one really has to do with tacos.

I went to Taco Bell, and the line was pretty long at the drive thru, so I decided to go inside so I could wait in the nice cool air. Inside was this crazy guy who is there a lot, he talks to himself and talks really loudly, and he also has a radio he listens to baseball games on. He's got this really fucked up over bite making him look like Mr. Ed, and he sits there with a clear water cup, drinking stolen soda out of it.

This evening I walk in and he's talking about Justin Timberlake and Janet Jackson, claiming that she should have "slapped the white off of him," when he ripped her bra thing off. I always ignore him, I try to avoid crazies as much as possible.

There was also this woman there with her three Junior High aged sons, all dressed like they had just got done at basketball practice -- blue shorts and a white shirts. They were about 10 feet from me, and I was standing at essentially between them and the crazy guy.

Crazy guy finally comes into 2011 while I'm ordering my food, claiming that Anthony Weiner, who had just been busted for showing his dick and ripped muscles to women on the Internet would "any in other country have had his head chopped off and executed on live television." I'm not sure what countries he's talking about, but he's so fucking wrong it's outside the realm of crazy and into retarded land. All I could do was roll my eyes at this.

After I sit down right near where I was standing, to wait for my food, he starts talking about how things were "so much different when [he] was younger." The guy couldn't have been a day over 40, so it's not like life was that fucking different. He finally says what bothers him most about kids these days:

When I was a kid, if I was going anywhere other than to the beach with a girl wearing shorts, I would have been beaten!

I turn to him and I say: "Hey! Mind your own fucking business psycho!"

He doesn't say anything for a second, and the mother of the three boys quietly tells them to "go wait outside." After they walk out he starts going on and on about how he doesn't understand where "respect" went, yeah as if calling out kids is respectful. He then says:

If you want to know what's wrong with kids in this country, just look at who is in the white house!

What the fuck? I said "Shut the fuck up, you racist bitch." His retort was pretty classic racist:

Racism?! Hah! Racism was invented by the media! I don't see color!

Didn't he just say a second ago that Janet Jackson should have slapped the white off Justin Timberlake?

I know he's crazy, but he wasn't that crazy, he was still at least on planet Earth. I said "Jesus, what a fucking psycho, man" to the guy behind the counter. After I said that, our Charlie Sheen-level crazy friend didn't say anything else or even look at me. I'm not sure if he switched personalities or thought I'd break his transistor radio.

I talked with the guys behind the counter some, apparently he's in there all the time, harasses customers, and the police has been called on him before, yet he always just comes back anyway. I thought about spitting on him as I left, but I decided he already has enough shit and piss on him, he probably wouldn't notice.

After I get home from Taco Bell, I'm sitting there about to watch Old School and eat some serious tacos. I hear the toilet in the basement flush. I instantly go into murder ninja mode, grabbing a long knife ready to turn any mother fucker in my house into a piñata.

I go down there and see the cat looking in the toilet. She apparently had flushed the toilet, but I searched the basement anyway to see if there was anyone to kill, unfortunately not.

Wait a second, my cat can flush the fucking toilet?