Adventures of an Asshole

Tales from the Street


Rants - Taco Bell, abode of retards? - 25-May-2008 @ 01:23

First Story

Tonight I went to Taco Bell and had to deal with some of the dumbest white trash women I have ever met.

I drove up to the menu and here is the conversation I had with the lady. Keep in mind she spoke very slowly, like she was trying to figure out what the next word was going to be:

Lady: Hol' on one minu'e.
(About 3 minutes later, I'm a patient man)
Lady: How are you today?
Me: Good, let me have a Grande Meal -- All Soft Tacos, No Lettuce.
Lady: OK, a Grande Meal, with what?
Me: All Soft Tacos, with No Lettuce.
Lady: OK, a Grande Meal, all Soft with No Lettuce?
Me: Are you sure you got a Grande Meal, sure no Lettuce?
Lady: Yes, $some amount of money, please come around to the window

So, I drive up (this is the part where you imitate car engine sounds) and give her my credit card (I never carry cash). She takes it from me and disappears for a little while. Finally she comes back and gives me a soda (though, I didn't order one, but I love free shit). The top was barely on and it almost fell, because you obviously should just throw things out the drive thru window and expect customers to catch it.

She gives me back my card and I hand the bag to my old lady so she can make sure the order is correct.

Believe me, it is correct -- if the goal were to do the opposite. All soft with no lettuce obviously means to put more lettuce than Zeus himself could consume on it.

So, I park and go take it in, because I'm not going to pick that shit off and still taste lettuce and all that. I believe in getting what you pay for (sometimes more than that). 

I walk in there and there is a guy in front of me who is waiting to get his order fixed too. He receives his correct order and leaves.

Some White Trash Girl with Raccoon Eyes and a Fat Ass: What's the problem?
(And not the good kind of fat ass, the kind that's like a balloon of eggs and ham)
Me in a polite tone: I ordered all soft tacos with no lettuce, and these have lettuce?
SWTGwREaaFA: And what's the problem?
Me slightly irritated: Well, the fact that I ordered no lettuce and received unwanted lettuce.
SWTGwREaaFA: *scoffs and snatches the bag off the counter*

She then turns around and proceeds to bitch and moan to some other skinny white trash girl with raccoon eyes about how the order is wrong and I "apparently" said no lettuce. I just roll my eyes at this point.

Meanwhile a guy stands behind me and says his order is wrong, then about 30 seconds later an older man comes in and says the same, finally about a minute later an old lady comes in and says her order is wrong. Then a guy comes from the restaurant (sit down) area and says he said no lettuce on his supreme tacos.

I thought to myself, "is this some kind of alternate universe? A cruel world where orders are always incorrect?"

I overhear some older woman behind the counter talking to the drive thru lady. I can't really make out what they're saying, but apparently this girl is absolutely retarded and can barely count, chiefly due to the fact I heard the older woman mention something about "you always incorrectly count change."

Cut back to these two white trash girls bitching and moaning to each other about how "customers don't know what the fuck they want"

I say loudly across the counter  "Excuse me, did you just say we don't know what we want? Surely the person before me and these people behind me ordered correctly. Maybe if you wouldn't put retards at the drive thru, you wouldn't have to work overtime fixing someone else's fuck ups and blaming them on the customers."

She looks like she's about to say something, but stops because it's clear she's hopped from job to job (fast-food mostly, maybe tanning salons). Then she says "I'm gettin' the manager!"

So, that old lady that was yelling at the retarded girl comes up to me and says that she's sorry for messing up my order. I ask her if she is trying to run a business or run people away.

Strangely enough she agrees with me and I get extra tacos for my trouble. I tell the people behind me that I can't wait until the taco bell a mile away opens and I won't have to deal with these fuck ups.

The raccoon eyed, fat ass girl drops my bag on the counter and says "Here you go" and I say "Thank you, and good luck with your successful life."

I mosey on out of there.

Second Story

There used to be a Taco Bell right down the street from me, but it got torn down. Strangely enough it was run by a bunch of Indians, of whom barely spoke any English at all. 

It was very common for them to get my order wrong, so much so that I got used to just ordering inside because I knew they'd fuck it up. Over time, though, it got better so I started going through the drive thru again. 

However right before they tore it down, they had some guy at the drive thru that I don't even think he spoke English.

One time in particular I ordered the same thing as in the first story. Instead of doing it correctly I received supreme chicken hard shelled tacos. I do not think you can get any more wrong than that.

I go in to get it fixed and the guy who took my order is actually the drive thru guy. He tells me "I thought you said chicken tacos with extra lettuce" I replied "How does that sound anything like 'All soft with no lettuce'?"