Adventures of an Asshole

Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger

 

My Stories

This page is how this site got started in the first place. My brother told me I should put my stories on the Internet, so I did. Since the response was pretty decent, and blogging became popular, I decided to update much more often. The stories are true, but some locations had to be changed due to legal reasons, and as a rule all names are changed unless the person wanted me to keep their name real.

If you're new here, I'd suggest starting with Adventures with Nick.

Adventures with Nick

Since about 5th grade I have been friends with this guy named Nick who is like me in a lot of ways, except worse.
Teen Center Fun
This is the first episode in a series of adventures with my fellow asshole friend Nick. Nick is much meaner to people than I am, if you can imagine that.
How Nick Breaks Up With a Girl
In this story Nick has a great idea on how to break up with a girlfriend of his.
Icecream Cone Killer
Nick throws an icecream cone at a cop, and eventually gets away with it only to run into the cop later.
Bitting Porno
One day Nick and I ran into a kid we called Porno, he was noted for biting people.

Adventures with Bear

My best friend is named Bear. Enough said.
Assholes of the Corn
In this adventure Farva, Pirate, Bear, and I scare the hell out of some redneck kids.
Night of Terror
In 2002, Bear, Scott, Aaron, and I, unleashed hell upon a St. Louis suburb.

The Shed Stories

Stories from when I lived in a shed and everything surrounding that.

Currently no stories for this category, that means I haven't added them yet.

School in Summer Time

Stories that have to do with my life during school and what I did there.
Where's My Garfield Book?
In this adventure Robert, Chris, and the rest of the Asshole gang, harass another asshole, only he wasn't as cool as us.
Why Not to Invite Me to Your Stupid Parties
This isn't one adventure, but a few molded together as one, otherwise they'd be too short to post. However, this is why you don't invite me to parties unless the word "LAN" is in it.
The Toilet Paper Adventure
In this Adventure, Gilby, Boston, my brother, and I go TP some houses, for the hell of it.
André sells ice cream
When I was growing up we had an icecream truck that was driven by a complete maniac.

Families are like Fudge

When my family gets together something interesting is bound to happen. These are stories that many people don't know, but fuck it, I'm telling everyone.
My Uncle isn't Racist, but ...
It's a popular thing to say "I'm not racist, but..." My uncle has never said that, but I think if telling his story to a lot of people, he'd probably have to.

Girls on Film

Stories about girls.
When I Risked My Life for a Girl
Believe it or not, once I risked my life to get laid, but I didn't realize that I was going to get put into such a situation.
Saga of Kelly
I once knew a girl named Kelly who pretty much made my life crazy for about a year, this is the Saga. [ Editor's note: This is a work in progress and will be updated often ]

Unsorted / Misceleanous

These are stories which fail to fit in any of the categories on this page, but that doesn't mean they suck or anything.
Old Wiggers and Line Cutters
I really hate wiggers, and this story is about a conflict I had with an old one -- and some guy who tried to cut in line.
World's Strongest Man Hates Me
I went to the World's Strongest Man contest and really pissed off some people, and they wanted to give me the World's Biggest Ass Beating.