Adventures of an Asshole

Because you suck

 

Stories - Why Not to Invite Me to Your Stupid Parties - 25-Apr-2007 @ 09:06

If there's one thing I can't stand it's partying teenagers. My entire teen years, nothing bothered me more than how stupid people act when they were "partying". A few times people invited me to their parties, and I went, only they didn't realize the hell they were about to unleash. So here is a few adventures, molded together as one to make it longer.

Please, for your own safety and the safety of your property, don't invite me to a party unless it's a LAN Party.

In our first adventure we go to when I was about 16, down the street these people I knew were having a "party" and they invited me. I went and it was quite lame, they spent their entire time drinking in the basement and listening to loud ass lame music. So, I made my way to the closest computer, the kid's dad's office.

Sadly, it was like a 233 running Windows 95, and it had a tiny ass hard drive in it. But, that didn't stop me, I stole the box, took it outside into the back yard, and left it there for a little while. Then I went back into the office and proceeded to fill up my pants and trench coat pockets with software, much of which I still have today. At the time I felt as if they were paying me back for wasting my time and also I figured it would get them in trouble with their parents, and it did. While I was gathering property, the host came up stairs and told me that I wasn't allowed to be in his dad's office, so I told him I was leaving anyway. I walked out the back door, grabbed my new PC (which I still have running as a DNS server) and left.

My second adventure was even less eventful, but more fun. It was a similar party after that, but less people. I was so damn bored and there was nothing to steal I went into the weight room in the basement, turned off the light, and went to sleep. I have no idea how long I was asleep, but I woke up and heard people kissing. 

Apparently it turned into a make out room or something. I yelled "Hey! Can you keep it down?" and two people ran out, and this one guy who looked like he wanted to kick my ass turned on the light. I said "Don't worry, you weren't going to get laid anyway." and I walked out and went home. They never talked to me at school again.

In our third adventure, and the last time I was invited to a party by the "cool kids", we go to yet another house, with yet more poser, wanna-be sport player, yuppie clones. This time though I found a paint ball gun, and proceeded to act like I was playing doom. In a single shot, I hit one kid in the back of the head. After that, I dropped the gun and ran like hell, because he could have easily beaten my ass and I didn't have any back up.

In-between those notable adventures I'd attract police attention to parties for the sake of getting people I didn't like in trouble. I did this by waiting until a cop drove by and just ran like I was trying to hide something. More often than not they stopped to see what was going on. I'm sad to say it never ended up in crashing a party, but it was still funny.

From that point on, I never went to another party, although I was invited to a few by the poser-Goth kids. Instead, my new found nerdy friends and I held many LAN parties.