Adventures of an Asshole

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Rants - Wichita, Kansas has the worst drivers on earth - 23-Nov-2008 @ 20:29

If you ever visit Wichita, Kansas, beware that the worst drivers wait for you there. Personally I have lived in various parts of the country and been to various parts of the world - originally I thought California had the worst drivers, but I was all too wrong.

1) Apparently right-on-red doesn't exist as a concept

If you're behind someone with their turn blinker on, and they're turning right, they probably will wait until the light turns green to go. Right-on-red is completely legal in Wichita, but nobody seems to understand how it works, so be ready to wait a while, which brings me to my next point.

2) Stop lights seem to take at least twice as long as anywhere else I have ever been on this planet

I'm not even fucking joking. Stop lights here are probably programmed the way they are so that the slow and retarded drivers aren't too confused. A two lane road with a stop light takes nearly 5 minutes in Wichita, while other places like California it's about 2 to 3 minutes.

3) Green means go

If you've ever seen that episode of Sliders where Quinn slides to an alternate universe where Red means go and Green means stop, then you might understand that's how it works in Wichita. Sometimes you can get stuck behind someone who will sit at a green light until it turns red again.

4) Nobody knows how to turn

In Wichita the idea of turning seems a bit lost on some people, they seem to believe that you should come to a complete stop and hold up traffic for over a minute while you try to figure out how the steering wheel works. This also goes for merging lanes on the highway, people also tend to come to a complete or near-complete stop to merge at 60mph.

6) The merging thing also is a problem because in Wichita the people who design roads are retarded

That's true. In most parts of the country on and off ramps are fairly far apart, but not in Wichita. It's the exact opposite in that beautiful city. There is about two to three car lengths between the on and off ramps in most cases, even on the god damn interstate. That means people are trying to not hit each other when getting on and off, and traffic slows down horribly, also because people are slamming on their breaks.

7) Speed zone means slam on your breaks to a complete stop?

In Wichita it does. If there is a speed zone or one of those school zones, instead of letting one's car slowly go down to that speed (as one should) or mildly slowing down with the breaks, to people in Wichita it's OH MY FUCKING GOD SLAM ON THE BREAKS AS IF THERE'S AN INFANT RIGHT IN FRONT OF US! GAHRAHRHFAHE!

8) Nobody here can pronounce "El Dorado"

If you guessed "El Doh-rah-doh", you're correct, but oh no, not here. There's a city here with that name, and they insist that it's "El Doh-ray-doh". How fucking stupid is that? I know this is off topic, but I had to say something.

9) Wanna get read ended? Come to Wichita

That's right. You see in Wichita people seem to think their car is spot welded to yours and they have to stay a hair's length off your asshole. People in California were bad about this, but in Wichita they'll not stop if you have to stop and run into you at full speed. Being in Wichita in no time I was rear-ended 4 times and almost rear-ended 5 other times, luckily they hit their breaks hard enough.

10) 30 miles per hour speed limit on a high way?

That's right. In Wichita the city seems to believe that everyone still drives a model-T and that the maximum speed limit anywhere in the city is 45, but that is very rare. If you want to get to 50, you need to go way out of the city. The interstate is 60, and in most states it's 70.