Adventures of an Asshole

Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger


Stories - André sells ice cream - 25-Mar-2008 @ 04:25

Growing up in California you're bound to meet some interesting characters. One was this guy who drove the ice cream truck for all of the fat ass kids to get sweets. His name was Andre, but I suspect that was not his real name because he was Indian, with a thick accent.

Not only that, but his ice cream truck from hell was one of the most beat up, loudest, and smokiest disasters that game through the neighborhood. When he wasn't having backfires or creating thick gray smoke, he was driving about 80mph in a 25mph zone. He didn't seem to care if he could potentially kill one of us kids.

If it was your birthday, and you told him, he would spray you with a super soaker. Though, if you asked for free ice cream because it was your birthday, he'd say "Tell your cheap ass parents to give you some money, this is not fucking charity."

He was a nice guy.

Not only that, but I distinctly remember the prices of ice cream being about $1 higher than other ice cream trucks in the area. He told me that I was a liar when I brought this up, but way back then I wasn't as big of an asshole as I am now, so I didn't argue too much.

If you asked him where his brother was, he'd freak out and start spouting some Hindi shit and then drive off in a fury. One time he even told this kid "I'm going to go to your house and beat your father's ass." He cried, but man it was pretty funny.

One time I was riding my bike, which didn't have brakes, and I was going down this hill. I wasn't paying attention and I hit the back of his truck at full speed. He got out to see what the noise was, he didn't ask me if I was OK, instead he took my bike and threw it into the middle of the road and told me to watch out.

This went on for a few years, and one day, Andre was gone and it was some guy named Timdu or some shit who claimed to be his brother. Timdu was much nicer and never cursed or caused any problems. But we all missed Andre.

I wonder what ever happened to him. I like to imagine he's harassing kids right now, taking their money, and making them cry.