Adventures of an Asshole

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Stories - World's Strongest Man Hates Me - 23-Feb-2008 @ 16:56

About ten years ago I was in Nevada at the World's Strongest Man contest and was going from event to event marveling in how strong these bastards really are. Most of the time the winners are Scandinavian, and that gives me a bit of pride in a way because I, myself, am Scandinavian. The year in question the winner was Jouko Ahola, a Finnish brown haired guy who was really big and could easily smash my nuts into oblivion. 

Everything was going great until the keg tossing contest. For those who don't know what that is, basically there's a keg that the contestants throw backwards over a 13 foot wall. I was pretty impressed until I had the chance to mess with one of these kegs.

I pick up the keg, and the fucking thing is empty. At first I wasn't sure if someone had drank it all, and then someone uses the keg in the contest and I am completely shocked and also full of glee.

I pick up another keg and it is empty as well, so I hold it over my head and say "I am the world's strongest man! I can lift an empty keg over my head!"

I go on and on about how the kegs are empty and what they're doing probably takes strength, but it can't be that much strength. People start to seem like they're agreeing with me. This guy who comes up, who's probably a manager or some kind of organizer, talks loudly about how the rules say they must be empty otherwise someone could get injured. I laugh loudly and say "what a bunch of pussies!"

At this point several of the strong men hear me and look at me; they are ready to beat my ass something severe.

The manager guy tells me I should get out of here before something bad happens, and two of the strong guys are walking my way. I say "Well, you may be right, I wouldn't want them to hit me with one of those really heavy empty kegs."

At this point one of them starts running at me, and I take off, run around the hotel, inside it, through the casino, and make sure I lost him. Once I knew I for sure that I lost him, I went back outside and it was time to leave the city.

Lucky for me I never saw the guy again, nor did anyone else give me grief about pointing out the empty kegs.

Fucking pussies.