Adventures of an Asshole

Because you suck

 

Stories - Teen Center Fun - 24-Jan-2007 @ 00:38

I have this friend named Nick who I met in 6th grade, we went on various adventures together, usually leaving chaos and crying men and women in our wake. So here is one of many adventures with my friend Nick.

This story takes us back to the year 1998, when I was a lad in my late teens looking for trouble. Spring was in the air and Nick and I were looking to pick up some ladies. So we went to the only place where we knew for certain we'd find na?ve girls our age: Local Teen Center.

It sounds farfetched I know, but from personal experience, anyone over the age of 14 that's hanging out at a teen center obviously has some social issues and problems they need to deal with. So, instead of helping them, Nick and I would attempt to get them to have sex with us. And more often than not, it worked. I paid the $1 fee for a member card strictly for this purpose.

So, we entered the building like we were God's gift to women. We saw a group of girls sitting on couches by the big screen TV, which was usually showing whatever the manager wanted to watch: Golden Girls. Anyway, we sit down and introduce ourselves as brothers, which was complete bullshit, but they didn't know that. And some how we got on the discussion of computers and the girl asked us if we were hackers, Nick says proudly "yes". I nod like I'm some kind of utter genius.

Then all of a sudden we hear this little scrawny, pale, wanna-be sports player yell from across the room "Nick, you aren't a hacker." I can't remember his name, but I remember Nick saying something like "I'm going to stab you in the heart, so-and-so." The fact is, we really are hackers, in the original sense of the word, we're computer programmers, and we enjoy exploring new things on the computer, but that aside for now.

So, we go back to talking to them for what seemed like an hour or so, then I get thirsty and made my way to the back room to the Soda machine. To better describe the situation to you, there were two pool (billiard ball) tables in the middle of the room, and nobody had been near them the entire time Nick and I were on the couches, because I could see them from where I was sitting. Back to the story, I was on my way back from the Soda machine and dragged my hand across the pool table as I was walking by it and hit a few pool balls.

All of a sudden I hear that skinny bastard yell out "Hey, that was our game!", I replied "When, two hours ago? You should have kept playing, not fuck off across the room for two hours." Through with dealing with this utter moron, I turn around, look at Nick who's almost in ass kicking mode, and I begin to make my way back to the couches. All of a sudden, this shit head grabs my arm and says "You owe us $2 for that game." I said "Blow it out your ass".

So, now Nick, who's brought to life by shiny things and hearing me pissed, goes into Post-Armageddon Anti-Christ mode. He jumps up and starts to walk over to me, meanwhile the manager is yelling from the desk "Pay him or get out", then I replied "I'm not paying anyone shit." After that, skinny bastard says something that I can't remember, and then everything turned red. I grabbed the cue ball and hit him in the side of the face with it.

Nick runs up and randomly hits one of his friends in the face. Skinny Bastard is screaming and crying like I shot him in the leg, and we start making our way to the door. The entire time the manager is yelling about how he's going to call the cops and all this, and I think I remember Skinny Bastard threatening to sue me. But anyway, when we got outside, Nick picked up a stone from the little garden and threw it through the window. I didn't understand the point of this, but I took it as it was given, and we were on our way with people yelling at us in the back ground.

We start walking to Taco Bell, but on the way we walked by a convenient store and there was a lady standing out front smoking, and Nick says "Smoking is bad for you." as we walked by. She replied "Fuck you!", so Nick stops, turns around, and slaps the fuck out of her. I don't think I've heard a slap so loud in my life, and her cigarette went flying. She started cussing and was all "I'm going to call the police".

After that we successfully made it to Taco Bell where we ingested huge amounts of Tacos and Pepsi. Not long after that Nick and I both moved, and we were never questioned by any cops. And that's the end of this episode of Adventures with Nick.